Hey there,
Okay here's the deal, many people may already know this and the people who do I've annoyed them greatly.
but the thing is I have a problem, that affects my personal life so deeply its affecting my mentality and my academic studies.
For one thing I am frustated about going to Saint Mary's University in Halifax to study business. I wanted to go to the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design (NSCAD) but back in bangkok, pressure from my parents, and fear of not finding a proper job after I graduate made me to study bussines instead of visual art ( which mind you is my very life source) And that's why I'm frustarted. It hasn't been a semester here at Saint Mary's and I angry at my parents at myself and at the world cos I'm here studying something that boring and dull and not having the chance to go to NSCAD. I feel trapped studying something I hate to study for the next couple of years. I've talked to my father about this and he said that I can either drop out of SMU or finish it. This leads to my frustration against my parents.
First of my parents didn't care about me doing art, and they didn't even see how good I was at it. In other words they didn't give a rats ass about whether I spent over 70% of my free time doing art and over 90% of my time in high school "living" in the Art room. They seem uneasy about the idea of me going to Art school and I feel like shit every time I think back of how my mom (a typical asian mom who grew up with a violent father and thus has a tongue like a whip which she lashes at me.) said to me, or rathe threatened me, and my sister by saying "I don't want any of you pursuing Art or drama or theater." And I felt that my heart was crushed then and there because I depend on my parents, and I know I'll never survive without them. She would sometimes undermine me about the very notion of me wanting to do the Art. WHy why why!!!
Now my father. He equally doesn't want me to do but he's more open to the idea that my mother. What makes me frustrated is the fact that when ini Bangkok he said to me, "sure you can go to art school becuase we have enough money after you finish saint mary's" and I was full of hope. Then when we landed here in Canada my sister was talking to my dad about how she loved doing fashion and that there was a course in her university that wouuld eventually lead her to NSCAD. I was there in the corner listening to the conversation and naturally I was jelous and angry and said becuase my father said to her. "YEs DO it! I'll pay for it." and he turned to me and said, "And you Marlon I don't ever want to see you doing Art or going to that stupid Art school!"
I wanted to cry, seeing my dreams being stripped and torn. I was angry and I was sad. I didn't see why my parents say in my sister the potential to do art and they didn't see that it me. I've done art way longer than she ever did, taking IB higher Visual arts, going to art Exhibitions (mind you my father took me to thos art exhibitions himself! WTF?!!!) and then my parents give the priority to my sister.
He went to Bangkok and I started showing my frustration when I was talking to him. He was gonna visit and I wanted him to bring my Art journal I was working on for the past 2 years. He said he could, but two weeks later he said he couldn't and that's what I hate how he constantly changes his mind becuase of stupid circumstance. I hinted at him how I was mad and frustrated and he said, "okay I'll let you go for 2 years to NSCAD" I just gave him the cold silence cos I was still mad. and guess what he brought it for me when he come here.
So the deal is the conflict between me and my parents while my father is finally getting it through his thick head while my mother is still bigoted women (who cares for me way to much). I've hinted at how It was my dream but she just hints back at how she doesn't want to hear it.
But things are slowly turned around, I got a job in Saint Mary's being the Art Director for the Univesity newspaper. Of all things I found a job doing something I love even without going to Art school. And that to me says alot. I told my father and guess what he said, "I'm convinced!"
proves to him that I could do something with the arts and guess what! I was good at it to!
but still I'm just frustrated still having to do years of study in a field that is helpful for me but is the most boring.
what I'm still angry about is when will I ever get the chance. My father will let me go to NSCAD after I graduate, but will that ever happen? the future is so uncertain and there are so many circumstances stoppiing me, For one thing my mother, another thing is the money.
Should I stay at Saint Mary's and go to nscad risk getting alot of debt and wasting alot of money? My mother hates if I waste any money, She even FREAKS if I spent like $20 on a CD from my OWN money I earned.
Or should I transfer risk not getting a good job with an Arts degree and getting scrutinized by my family?
Should I just do my bussines degree and take the summer sessions so that I can condence the entire duration of my degree to only two years??
Should I aslo work hard in something that I hate to get the scholarship to easy the financial burden?
Why do I want to go so badly to NSCAD so early? is it because I love to experience something in my Youth that's exciting for once?
NSCAD us my dream school. and I know God wants me there. But constantly thinking about it has affected my relationship with people and most importantly my studies. I've not been able to concentrate at all (despite me getting awesome grades in the midterm).
What should I do? HELP ME!! I'm just lost confused and frustrated and trapped.
Random
Zeal
Winter Downs
Defeated
It's Hot
